Helping Your Children Learn to Deal with their Aging Parents

Statics over the last 20 years show that people are living longer. Because they are blessed with the opportunity to grow older, there is usually a greater need for assistance as they age. For the majority of people, that assistance comes from their children, especially if their children live close.

Most of us never thought we'd need assistance from our children nor did most of them ever anticipate they'd be assisting us as we age. When this role reversal happens, it can lead to conflict and confusion. Help your children learn to deal with this new role by opening communicating your plans and needs while realizing compromises are both sides are often needed.

Prepare your family for this new role. Your children and their spouses should be aware of your plans and actively participate when they can.

Remind them that development doesn't stop as we age, we all continue to learn and change throughout our lifetime.You are now different than you were when you were raising them and have different interests.

Try to look at their concerns from their perspective and help them to understand your concerns as your world changes and "shrinks". Remind them that the only thing worse than change is change you have no control over. Be sure to help them understand that you still need control over many things in your day to day life and that your goal is to have the highest level of independence possible. When you need additional assistance, try to be the first one to vocalize that need.

Inform them where your essential paperwork is kept... health plans, money management, medical records, - let them know who your doctors are and what medications you take. Visit your attorney and get your affairs in order - have a medical power of attorney set up and someone appointed to take care of your finances if and when you are not able to do so.

Be proactive and do what it takes to maintain the best health possible - nothing is more important when it comes to making a difference in our quality of life as we age.

Maintain a positive attitude and be grateful for their help and assistance. It is not easy for adult children to watch their parents age - often they are pulled in many directions with their own families, spouses, work, etc.

Thank them often - it makes both of you feel better.